HH: Earning Their Stripes
by VST
Summary: It's a well-established fact that there wasn't a single one in all of Europe. At least there weren't any until London ordered the Heroes to help some very special Americans make their contribution to the war effort on D-Day... Parody/Humor. Part of Forum XIIIc's D-Day 75th anniversary commemoration challenge. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**HH: Earning Their Stripes  
**By VStarTraveler

**_Summary:_**_ It's a well-established fact that there wasn't a single one in all of Europe. At least there weren't any until London ordered the Heroes to help some very special Americans make their contribution to the war effort on D-Day... Parody/Humor_

_This story was written for Forum XIIIc's D-Day Commemoration Challenge. It includes some real, historical facts, but, as a hopefully humorous parody in the Hogan's Heroes vein, it is NOT a serious, somber, reflective story. It is being released in three chapters on June 6 (the 75th anniversary of D-Day), June 7, and June 8. All historical and story-related notes will be included at the end of Chapter 3.  
_

**_Disclaimer: _**_This story is a work of fiction, written entirely for fun and not for profit. This interpretation of Hogan's Heroes is entirely my own, and Hogan's Heroes and all of its various components remain the property of their respective owners. _

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Hi, honey. How was your day?" asked Janie Carter.

Andrew closed the door, took her in his arms, and kissed her hello.

"Mm-mmm. It was a Saturday and I was covered up at work filling orders instead of being here with you, so you can imagine. But, mmm, the day seems to be getting better now. Everything go okay dropping the kids off with your parents for the week?"

"Yeah. School's out, they get to enjoy their time with their grandparents, and we get a week of peace! Oh, and I got wine, too." She grinned as she showed him the bottle that she pulled out of an ice bucket.

"Better and better!" Another kiss followed, but he became silent as they separated.

"Okay, what is it?" she asked.

"Earlier today, it was, well...strange. I received two phone calls from old friends—"

"Someone—he didn't say who he was—called asking for you but I told them you were at work."

"Yeah, he called me there and told me that I should watch a show on TV tonight. Wow. Look at the time. It's about to come on right now." With a questioning look on his face, Andrew wandered off to the family room without another word.

Being quite used to Andrew's occasional moods, Janie sighed as she put the unopened wine bottle back on ice. Moments later, she found him standing in front of the couch holding up the Spaceless Demand remote control. With a series of metallic clicks on the device, he flipped channels on the family's new color Apex TV until he located the local ZBS station just as the screen faded from the color network graphic into a new show. The show's theme music sounded, followed by the announcer's voice.

"Good evening, America. This is June 6, 1964, the twentieth anniversary of the D-Day invasion of the beaches of Normandy, France. I'm your host, Walther Benbrite, and welcome to this special edition of _'You Were There: Behind the Scenes on D-Day_.' There were over 10,000 Allied casualties that day including over 4,400 confirmed dead, but it was actually expected to be much worse in those critical, initial hours as American, British, and Canadian troops stormed the beaches and fought their way forward in their drive to retake Europe from Hitler and his Third Reich.

"Tonight, we'll be examining several things that Allied commanders did to confuse the Germans and make the invasion the success that it was with the least loss of life possible for our fighters. After the war, the Allies agreed to conceal many of the more sensitive points, some for many years, so some of what we'll be reporting tonight is recently declassified information. Some items will be corroborated by those who were actually there. Then there are some things that are still considered to be so secret that they're only spoken of in whispered snippets; on those points, we'll have to leave it to you to decide."

The scene cut to a map of southern England and northern France. Little lines appeared on the screen, showing the main routes that over 6,900 vessels used to go from their starting points in England, across the English Channel, and ultimately to the five beaches involved in the invasion.

"First, we will look at the way the Allies confused enemy reconnaissance by placing a massive army near where the Germans believed the invasion would occur in an effort to cause Adolph Hitler to mass his men and munitions at the appropriate opposing points. However, the 'massive army' witnessed by German fliers was well to the east of the actual jump-off locations for the Normandy invasion, and was, in truth, a complete sham—"

Janie shook her head as she said, "I take it from your look that isn't what you were expecting?"

"No," Andrew replied. "In fact, I'm not exactly sure what's coming, but I was assured by the second caller that I'd know it when I saw it."

~HH~

_Luftstalag XIII,  
Germany  
Late May, 1944_

"I decoded it twice, Colonel, and then checked it a third time for good measure," said Kinch. "There's no mistake on our end. It's what they transmitted."

Colonel Robert Hogan wiped the towel across his face and then ran his hand over his jaw and around his neck to confirm there weren't any rough spots. If he was going to play a German officer that evening, he had to be sure to look the part. Satisfied, he looked back at Kinch. "If that's the case, there are basically three possibilities. One, someone in London changed the codes without telling us. Since there wasn't a problem with the first message—sent, what, just minutes earlier?—"

"Yeah, Colonel. Ten at most."

"Then that looks unlikely. Second, London thinks we've been compromised and is sending garbage to confuse the Jerries they think are receiving it. What could have changed in less than ten minutes?"

Kinch shook his head. "Nothing I know of. And they used the regular sign-off code when I sent the receipt signal, too, which sort of kills one and two."

"Hmm. Then that leaves us with the last possibility, which is actually a two-parter leading to the same net result. Either Crittendon escaped, made it back to London, and then convinced someone of this insanity—meaning it's real—or else someone in London—

"Or Washington," interjected Kinch.

"—has gone nuts and it's still real."

Standing in the door, Newkirk agreed. "Either way, Colonel, some'un higher up than the likes 'uv us has gone bloody bonkers and is pullin' out all 'uv the stops."

Hogan nodded. With his razor away, he sat down at his desk, lost in thought.

LeBeau, sitting on the bed, watched for a few seconds until he saw a slight upturn at the edge of Hogan's mouth. He asked, "So what do we do, Colonel? Get Carter?"

Hogan nodded again. "Yeah, get Carter."

~HH~

The last commercial following the third segment faded and Walther Benbrite's face once again filled the screen.

"Our final story of the evening is one that is so strange that we at ZBS News initially didn't believe it, but we kept getting those whispers of information about it that I mentioned earlier until we finally unearthed what appears to be one of the stranger stories of the war. Still, I will include our disclaimer that we had our news staff triple check what I'm about to convey to you to completely confirm its veracity, but we never could get anyone at the Pentagon to officially go on the record about it.

"In the days leading up to the American entry on the Allied side in the War, the United States started ramping up production of weapons of war and materiel that could be used to stop and ultimately defeat the Axis Powers. However, there was great concern by President Franklin D. Roosevelt and his senior staff that it might be too little, too late. Therefore, in late 1939, just weeks after Hitler's blitzkrieg rolled across Poland to bring an official start to the conflict, the order was given to see what other resources, even unconventional resources, could be brought to bear to assist the American effort and those of our allies. Some unknown staffer reportedly made a comment about a little know fact that ultimately led to the strange story you're about to hear."

Throughout Benbrite's monologue, a series of pictures and newsreel footage of the times helped set the scene. The picture then cut to a dark silhouette of a man with question marks that popped up on each side.

"An Allied asset in Germany, a person so crucial to the Allied effort that nearly twenty years after the war his identity is still top secret, was given the task of planting certain misinformation with the Germans. However, intelligence operatives will tell you that the secret to making such misinformation believable is to base it on a certain grain of truth. Therefore, we turn to Professor Douglas L. Weathers, Ph.D., a researcher long associated with the Department of Defense, and in the time leading up to the war, the War Department."

A surprised Janie looked around at her husband. "No way! Dougie Weathers? I haven't seen him in years!"

"Yep, caller number one. He was the one who called here, too."

The screen changed to a different scene where Benbrite stood with a man in perhaps his late forties or early fifties. The man was wearing a white lab coat with several pens in a plastic pocket protector in his breast pocket.

"Doctor Weathers, thank you for speaking with us this evening. Please tell us a little about yourself and how your program came about?"

"Mr. Benbrite, in the Fall of 1939, I was a junior research assistant working on my doctorate, but I had a rather unique qualification that put me front and center in the effort which I eventually came to head."

"What was that qualification, Professor Weathers?"

"Well, sir, they say that about 3% of Americans have trouble smelling things. I'm in that group but I'm also in a small subset of that group—"

"He always did talk like a professor, didn't he?" said Janie.

"Yep, always," agreed Andrew.

"—one of only a tiny handful of Americans that completely lack the olfactory nerves that allow most people to smell. In other words, I can't smell anything. Therefore, my supervisors assigned me to a brand-new research project..."

~HH~


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Late May, 1944_

Sergeant Andrew Carter was out getting some exercise, walking the required distance from the fence around the perimeter of Stalag 13. It was a common event done by most of the prisoners for the exercise, for the intelligence that might be gained, and to lull the Germans into a false sense of security by making the event so commonplace that they didn't give it a second thought.

By doing all of this, it effectively exaggerated the importance when a rare, unusual event occurred.

Such an unusual event began with Carter suddenly spinning around toward the fence and bringing both hands up to cup the bill of his cap. He appeared to be staring—quite hard, it seemed—at something in the woods some distance beyond the fence. He called to Johnson and Wells nearby. They came over, looked, and nodded in agreement as all three men walked toward the fence to get a better look.

All this drew the attention of the guard in the nearest tower who turned that way and started to bring his MP40 submachine gun to bear only to have his attention drawn back to Carter as the young man started yelling and waving.

"Get away from the fence! Get away!" shouted Carter, urging everyone to get even further back than the usual clear distance. Johnson backed away, looking quite scared, but Wells helped Carter keep a number of approaching prisoners well away from the perimeter.

The guard watched those two and the growing crowd of other prisoners for a few seconds, confirming that they weren't rushing the fence or pulling any other verboten shenanigans, before he turned back toward the woods. Bringing up his binoculars, he scanned the treeline but saw nothing of interest.

A very winded Sergeant Hans Schultz puffed up a few seconds later.

"Carter! Was that...huh huh huh...you? What's...huh huh huh...going on?"

Carter shook his head as if he'd done nothing out of the ordinary but Schultz's glance at the guard tower and the guard's nod confirmed what Schultz believed even as Carter continued to peer in the direction of the woods. "What are you doing, Carter?"

"Ah, nothing, Schultz." Carter's shrugged shoulders and upturned hands weren't quite enough to do the trick, though, leading Schultz to frown at the American under his brow. "Honest, Schultz."

Schultz gaze went back to the guard, who spoke in rapid German and then pointed to the woods. "Carter, you saw something in the woods. What did you see?"

Carter grimaced and rocked back and forth from foot to foot, as if either uncomfortable about what he was being asked to tell or being nearly desperate to visit the latrine. Either seemed to be taking too long, so Schultz exclaimed, "Carter! Out with it!"

"Well, it couldn't be, Schultz. But...Wells, did you see it?"

"Yeah, plain as day. But I didn't think they had'em here."

"Me either," agreed Carter, "but I'm pretty sure that it wasn't a _Mephitis mephitis_."

Schultz's eyes narrowed. "A what what? What type of Indian mumbo jumbo is that? English, Carter! Speak English!"

"But it's not Indian or Sioux or anything like that, Schultz. It's Latin. It's the binomial nomenclature—scientific name—for the common striped skunk."

LeBeau and Newkirk arrived as Carter was finishing his explanation. Newkirk rolled his eyes but LeBeau frowned. "Le pewinus? Really?"

Carter nodded, as did Wells and a couple of others who'd been watching the woods since the ruckus started.

Shultz, though, wasn't having it. "Skunk? The American creature that sprays bad perfume?" He laughed and had to grab Carter's arm to steady himself. "Carter, there are no such creatures in Germany. Not even in all of Europe."

"Oh, I know that, Schultz. That's why—" Carter's eyes widened and he suddenly stood up straight, stopping himself from saying another word.

"Why what, Carter?"

"What is going on here?" called Colonel Klink, just arriving, as he tried to get his monocle to stay in place. "Schultz! Ree-port!"

"Jawohl, Kommandant! The American said he saw one of their smelly skunks in the forest—"

"But Schultz, it wasn't one of our skunks," interrupted Carter, unable to control himself. "I think it's the new type they've been breeding. A friend from back home was part of the program—"

Klink rolled his eyes. "Carter! We don't care about your friend from home!"

"But, sir, that's just it. Dougie was one of the guys who captured skunks for the new breeding program that the Army had just before the war started. They were using 'em to breed new superskunks. He said those things could shoot the most foul-smelling stuff ever, close to 30 feet. At least that's what he said. The guys that got hit with it were so sick they were in the hospital for dayeee..." Seeing Hogan arrive and giving an angry cutoff sign, Carter realized he'd just volunteered far more information than he should so he trailed off.

"Carter! Enough!" said Colonel Hogan loudly with a frown when he was close enough. However, inside, both he and Carter were smiling.

~HH~

The broadcast transitioned to a small spinning globe that rotated three times in silence before it slowed to a stop and the camera panned in on Europe. Walther Benbrite resumed his rapid-fire delivery.

"As our viewers are probably well aware, some animals in the wild only live in certain parts of the world, while others have found their way across the globe. For example, giraffes are only found in Africa, koalas only in Australia, giant pandas only in China, penguins only in the Southern Hemisphere, and the skunk is only found in the Western Hemisphere. On the entire continent of Europe, not one of those smelly little creatures is found outside of a zoo. Professor Weathers' program involved the common striped skunk."

Weathers took the screen. "The White House kept saying that every American had to do their part in the war effort. The general initially in charge of the program said that FDR told him that skunks were American creatures and that they needed to earn their stripes fighting the Nazis, just like everyone else. Therefore, we were instructed to capture a group of them to use in a breeding program. With my nose on the fritz—"

"He did _not_ just say that!" laughed Janie. "Dougie strikes again!"

"—I ended up doing lots of the work. We looked at selectively breeding the skunks to try to increase the potency of their spray."

"But, Professor, chemical warfare is outlawed by the Geneva Convention."

"Yes, sir, but spray delivered naturally by a skunk is considered natural, and, therefore, isn't covered under the rules of war."

"So, you're saying if you could breed a so-called 'super skunk,' there would be nothing to stop someone from using it?"

Professor Doug Weathers replied, "Exactly."

~HH~

_1944..._

Colonel Klink was squinting at the Americans on the other side of his desk. "So Carter thinks he saw an American creature in a German wood? Ludicrous!"

"Not just any creature, Colonel. A skunk!" Carter's eyes were wide as he nodded.

"Carter! There are no skunks in Germany!"

"Maybe some escaped, sir."

Klink's monocle fell out as he attempted to roll his eyes. He started trying to get it back in when he asked, "Where would American skunks escape from in the middle of Europe?"

"From...uh."

Hogan moved forward and "accidentally" stepped on Carter's toe.

"Uh, sorry, Colonel."

Though his face showed frustration, Hogan's sigh was actually one of relief when Klink took the offered bait.

Klink jumped up from his desk so quickly that the monocle popped out again. Hogan caught it in midair just before it hit the desk but Klink didn't seem to notice as he leaned across and grabbed the desk's edge. "From where, Carter? From where? Where did the skunks escape from?"

"Uh, ahem, uh—Andrew J. Carter! Technical Sergeant, Serial Num—"

"Car-ter! I know all that! What were you saying about the skunks?"

~HH~

Returning from the "Mmm, they're pretty darn good!" commercial for Ramble's Soups, Walther Benbrite asked, "So, Professor, what happened with your skunk program?"

Professor Weathers shook his head. "Well, it didn't work out, at least not the way it was originally intended. The superskunk breeding program was abandoned after just three generations. We weren't seeing any success, at least any we could detect. The skunk spray was bad, of course, but we were having a dickens of a time getting volunteers to compare them for us. More than once, anyway. Besides, the skunks' time to reproductive maturity was too long, even with the shortcuts we were taking and all of the vitamins and horomones we were giving them to speed up the process. The war would have long been over before we might have ever had any sustained success."

"What about the skunks themselves?"

"When Washington told us to drop the selective breeding part, they also told us to keep up the regular breeding to increase the size of our surfeit, our skunk herd, if you will. That allowed us to breed all that we had instead of just the new generations, which was good since they told us they wanted as many as we could get. Someone had come up with an idea on how they might be useful. After that, we didn't hear anything new for quite some time. We'd even begun to believe they forgotten us when, in early February, 1944, somebody from Washington arrived and gave us new instructions. We didn't have the infrastructure for what they wanted, so a group of us worked around the clock one weekend with a hot-shot engineer designing what they requested. We made it as simple as we could and built a mock-up that was ready for testing in less than three weeks. It turned out to be a fairly foolproof system."

"A foolproof system that would not see the light of day unless other factors were in place. That's where the Allied agent mentioned earlier, an individual code-named 'Papa Bear,' came into play."

The scene shifted again, this time to a dark room with a person put in silhouette by a bright light behind him.

"We're with a senior officer from the Pentagon. He's not officially allowed to answer any questions about this, so he demanded that his identity be kept secret and that we film at an undisclosed location as requirements for granting this interview. To do this, we will use his assumed identity of Officer X."

In a low, conspiratorial voice, Benbrite asked, "Officer X, what was your job during the months leading up to the D-Day invasion of Europe?"

With his voice electronically disguised, the officer replied, "I was a junior officer stationed in London as part of the control team for Papa Bear."

"Who was Papa Bear?"

Officer X laughed. "Sorry, sir, but you know I can't answer that. Of course, I wouldn't tell you if I even knew. However, what I can tell you is what Papa Bear was instructed to do."

"And what was that?"

"To feed the Germans some misinformation on a top secret American program involving, of all things, skunks."

~HH~


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_1944..._

Down in the communications room below Barracks Two, Kinch, Newkirk, and LeBeau were listening to the conversation in Klink's office. Up top, three prisoners were standing right outside the door to the barracks acting as spotters and another was just inside the room to relay a warning of any guards who happened to approach.

"I really don't know how he does it," said LeBeau. "Or how the Boche falls for it."

"One-a the true mysteries a' life," agreed Newkirk. "Carter, not Klink. The Kraut 'ud fall for just about anything."

Kinch held up his hand to quieten the others as he listened for the signal. With their chatter continuing unabated, he finally picked up the little speaker and held it closer to his ear.

"There. Showtime!" LeBeau and Newkirk went silent as they turned to watch Kinch.

Operating the bypass telephone switchboard, Kinchloe rang through to the kommandant's office. In perfect German but using a different voice, he said, "Hello, this is Professor Heinrich Kinchmeyer, Leipzig University. I must speak to the camp kommandant at once. It's urgent!"

"Just one moment, sir," came Hilda's reply. With their ears as close to the telephone receiver as they could get, LeBeau made a swooning expression on hearing Hilda's voice, causing Newkirk to barely stifle a laugh.

Klink came on the line moments later. After brief introductions, Kinch said, "Kommandant, my department, the best in Germany, has received word of a strange creature having been seen in the Hammelburg area. There was also a report of it being seen near Stalag 13. Tell me, have you seen anything out of the ordinary? Quickly, man, it may be a matter of life and death!"

"Well, everyone knows it's impossible, but we thought we saw a creature that looked like an American skunk in the woods outside our—"

"Das stinktier! You must stay away from it at all costs. We believe it is from a secret American experimental program where they are breeding these creatures to use them in sickening our troops. The Americans must have finished their work and have set about releasing them. We must report this to Berlin at once! Exactly where was it spotted?"

Klink attempted to explain the location, but Hogan was shaking his head.

"Ho-gan! What is it?"

"Well, Colonel, it's like that telephone game. Everybody changes a little detail and pretty soon little Johnny is pulling on little Betty's heartstrings instead of tugging on her pigtails. You probably ought to report it to Berlin yourself so you get the details right. And any credit, instead of some stuff-shirt professor."

Adjusting his monocle, it was Colonel Wilhelm Klink's turn to smile.

~HH~

The silhouetted officer continued. "We didn't know how Papa Bear did it, but the information got to the Germans, and once it did, they acted on it."

"Acted how?"

"In the days leading up to the invasion of Normandy, Allied intelligence intercepted a number of frantic German messages about the American "schmutzfink" program. It was code and our guys didn't know what it was at first since it's like the insult 'skunk' as in 'dirty dog' or something like that. One such message, one which I understand clued us in on what was happening, was sent to a German spy in the United States. Fortunately for us, our FBI folks had already turned him, so he was used to confirm the existence of the skunk program and then confirm the rumor that we Americans had developed what was, in essence—pardon the pun—what you mentioned earlier: a super skunk. When word got back to Berlin, Hitler must have hit the roof. We saw messages passed along to a number of German units regarding 'Der Super-Schmutzfink,' how they were to be on alert for it, and how they were to avoid contact and not let it spray them. There was even a suggestion of a reward for the capture of the super skunk—which we later learned they'd classified as _mephitis metamorpha_ since American scientists hadn't filed a name for it—but we never got confirmation on that part."

"So what happened?"

"Shortly after midnight on Tuesday morning, June 6, 1944, several American B17 bombers were filled with cages."

As "_You Were There_" often did, the show cut to a dramatic recreation of the event...

~HH~

A model of a B-17 bomber suspended by strings was shown "flying" in the night sky. The spinning propellers were simulated with circular pieces of clear plastic. Aircraft noise sounded but then faded as the scene changed to a mock-up of the interior of the plane.

As the bomber entered the drop zone, three men clad in sealed suits began pushing cages, each containing a skunk, out of the bomb bay. Discerning viewers might have noticed that the skunks were, in this case, stuffed animals. A graphic flashed up on the screen showing that a cord connecting the cage to the plane released the parachute when the cage had dropped just a short distance. The parachute deployed and the cage floated down to the ground.

Another graphic showed how one of six trips was activated when the release cage, designed by Professor Weathers and the team, landed, opening its two doors and allowing a very irate common striped skunk to escape. "It's likely that most of the skunks wandered off," said Benbrite as some of the stuffed skunks were shown being pulled away from the cages by strings, "but a few landed in or near their target zones."

A single skunk was shown stiffly and slowly walking out of a cage, which clearly didn't match the graphic shown just seconds earlier, toward a group of buildings that a subtitle on the screen labeled as "German Communications Facility."

The scene transitioned again, this time to inside a soundstage set. With the recent chatter about super skunks, the Germans saw the slowly approaching skunk, its turning wind-up key now clearly visible to the television viewers, and appeared to assume the worst. The actors portraying the Germans technicians and soldiers fled, screaming "Das Super-Stinktier!" Der Super-Schmutzfink!" and "The SuperSkunk!" with bad German accents.

Benbrite's voice again came over the screen as Allied troops were shown taking the facility with uncommon ease.

"American paratroopers supposedly captured at least three such installations abandoned by the Germans who fled from what they believed to be killer superskunks. These posts were destroyed, hampering the Germans' ability to provide updates and coordinate their defensive efforts and potential counterattacks in that area of combat. While no one knows for sure if the skunks saved any Allied lives, it is believed that the breakdown in communications helped contribute to the Germans' confusion in those early hours, making it more difficult for them to respond with reinforcements. If nothing else, it was definitely one of the crazier things that was attempted in a war filled with crazy events."

The scene of exploding buildings and radio towers, taken from old newsreel footage, faded, returning viewers to Benbrite and Professor Weathers.

"Professor, what happened to the skunks?"

"Mr. Benbrite, some may not have survived the parachute drop and others were almost certainly killed in the fighting that ensued across the region. You see, it took our forces about a month to take the whole area around where the skunks were released and until late August before we'd cleared northwest France and could go in and look for them. We recaptured about 20 percent of those initially released. Not knowing the number lost in the battles, we could never confirm whether we'd gotten all of them."

The show cut to Benbrite, now alone, seemingly lost in concentration for a moment before he made a dramatic turn toward the camera.

"As we discussed earlier, it's a well known fact that, in recorded history, there have never been skunks in Europe in nature, but in January 1945, approximately seven months after the D-Day invasion at Normandy, Warner Brothers released a new Looney Tunes cartoon about a skunk originally named Stinky but later renamed Pepé Le Pew." As Benbrite explained this, a clip from the cartoon played in the background. He continued, "Pepé was a Frano-American skunk, which was quite curious since there wasn't a single French skunk anywhere, other than possibly in a zoo...at least there wasn't until June 6, 1944."

"Where would the inspiration for such a character and such a cartoon have originated? The character was co-created and the cartoon was directed by Chuck Jones, who worked with Theodor Geisel, better known to most as Doctor Seuss, during the war. It turned out that these two men worked closely with the United States Army doing numerous training and patriotic films during World War II. As such, it is believed that they had a great deal of inside information not made available to the general public, possibly including the Army's work with the skunks. Warner Brothers representatives refused to speak with us and Mr. Jones had no comment as we prepared this program. Therefore, whether a little known Allied operation had anything to do with inspiring the cartoon, we may never know.

"As a side note, even today, twenty years later, there are occasionally reports of skunk-like creatures being glimpsed in the wild in northwest Europe, but, like the Sasquatch of the American Northwest or Nessie of the Scottish Loch, they remain shadowy, hidden figures who seem to greatly value their privacy. If, that is, they exist at all."

The TV then showed images of the beaches of Normandy as they stood that day intercut with photos of the same locations on that June day of 1944. After a few such transitions, the camera focused in on Benbrite walking a few feet from the evening surf. "Tonight, on this twentieth anniversary, all is calm, unlike that day twenty years ago when the fate of the free world hung in the balance. Tonight, we remember and honor all those who were involved in making the Normandy invasion a success and setting up the groundwork for the ultimate defeat of the Nazis. We at ZBS News hope you've learned something and have experienced these very different parts of D-Day as if _you were there!_ This is Walther Benbrite, reporting on what was then known as Omaha Beach. Good evening."

~HH~

Andrew Carter raised the remote toward the TV and pressed the button. With a metallic click, the picture faded to black, but he just sat quietly, unmoving.

"Andrew?" she asked as she took his hand. "You? You had something to do with this? You were involved in this, weren't you? You...you were the Papa Bear!"

Thinking of his conversation with General Hogan earlier that day, he laughed. Pulling his eyes from the darkened TV screen, he looked toward his wife and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Me? Papa Bear? Gosh, no!" He wanted to tell her more, but he was still bound by his promises, so he looked into her eyes and continued. "Sweetheart, I've told you that I can't talk about what I did in the war. Let's just say that I might have been able to fill in a few of the blanks in that report...if the guys in Washington would let me."

"So do you think it was true then?"

He hesitated before giving a noncommittal shrug. "German soldiers running like scaredy cats? I seriously doubt it. But as for parts of it…Janie, I don't know but as crazy as some of the things the generals—and at least one certain colonel—pulled, or wanted to pull, I guess anything's possible. And think about what Benbrite said about the cartoon. A cartoon about a French-American skunk in France when there've never been skunks in Europe, created by a guy who worked like this—"

He held up two crossed fingers. "—with the U.S. Army through the whole war. A cartoon that gets released just a few months after D-Day and everything that happened, even while the war's still going. I suppose it might—maybe possibly?—be a coincidence?"

He cocked his head at her and raised an eyebrow as he gave her his quirky smile.

She shook her head as she smiled back before putting both hands behind his neck and pulling closer. "Andrew, even after all these years, you constantly amaze me."

She leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"I don't know if it's coincidence or not, but, since the TV's off, I won't say another word about it if you won't. And since the kids are at Mom and Dad's..." She snuggled closer against him, reaching this time for his lips.

Andrew Carter gave her that kiss and then reached a hand out to turn off the lamp on the table next to him.

"Ah! Just one more!" In his corniest voice imitating Mel Blanc, he added, "That's all, folks!"

The light went off as Janie giggled and poked him in the ribs.

"Uh uh! Maybe that's what you think!"

_The End_

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**

_Thanks for reading. Any feedback you might provide will be greatly appreciated, too._

_The Normandy Invasion on D-Day was a somber but much-hoped-for time since it marked the beginning of the end of the war in the west. There were over 10,000 Allied casualties on June 6, 1944, including 4,414 confirmed dead. The breakout from the Normandy area took over two months and cost many thousands more lives. __I was initially very reluctant to do a humorous take on such a serious subject, but Hogan's Heroes, which was essentially a comedic parody of other prisoner of war movies of the time, did its own semi-humorous take with "D-Day at Stalag 13," where Hogan and company convince the Germans that Klink is the new chief of staff.  
_

_In truth, the Allies really did some wacky things to try to keep the Germans off guard in preparation for various invasions and attacks as the war progressed. The army of tents and rubber tanks (Operation Fortitude, the first item in Benbrite's report, before D-Day), the body washed up on the beach with the briefcase cuffed to his wrist (Operation Mincemeat, in preparation for the invasion of Sicily), and the Ghost Army (Operation Quicksilver, as the war progressed toward Germany) were just a few examples. In addition, the use of gliders and paratroopers and other communication misdirections on D-Day contributed greatly to the Germans' initial confusion, which allowed the Allies to establish a foothold in northern Europe that they never again surrendered._

_A show named "You Are There" was hosted by CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite in the 1950s and then again in the early '70s. It used live-action recreations in a news format to tell about historic events. Since this was intended to be a parody, I took great liberties with this part, as well as tweaking Zenith TV, its Space Command remote control, and Campbell's Soups._

_Written for the 75th anniversary of D-Day challenge as noted above, the idea was inspired by a discussion on the Forum XIIIc board about creatures in Hogan's Heroes episodes and fanfiction stories. One of the comments was that skunks would not be appropriate in a Hogan's Heroes story since, outside of zoos, there aren't any in Europe. From such comments, crazy ideas are sometimes born. Thanks are extended to konarciq and baja-king for their inspiration and encouragement, however unintentional it may have been. Any fault for this lunacy that resulted lies entirely with me._

_A few final points:_

__There's a little Easter Egg in Chapter 2 related to another CBS show of the period. Hint: "And the rest."__

_In the story, Walther Benbrite said that skunks are only found in the Western Hemisphere. In the 1960s, that was true, but in the 1990s, the stinkbadgers of the far east (the Philippines, Malaysia, and Indonesia) were reclassified as members of the skunk family. I'm not sure what the poor stinkbadgers think about all of that._

_The French word for skunk is absolutely NOT Le Pewinus. LeBeau may have assumed that Schultz wouldn't know that; perhaps that became the origin for Pepé's last name._

_Whether Andrew's wife Janie is his old girlfriend Mary Jane (who dumped him in Episode 1.32, "Request Permission to Escape") is anyone's guess._

_The idiom "to earn one's stripes" has to do with proving that one is deserving of a particular position or designation. It is believed to have originally come from military organizations where enlisted soldiers earned stripes on their sleeves as they were promoted in rank. In a comedic parody involving skunks, that low-hanging fruit was just too hard to pass up!_

_Finally, to the best of my knowledge, there was no American skunk program and such a program had nothing whatsoever to do with inspiring Stinky/Pepé. Of course, I don't know everything..._


End file.
